In life, the deepest struggles are not always visible. Sometimes, the most enduring pain lives quietly inside, shaping our choices and coloring our perception of ourselves and the world. From our point of view, recognizing the pains of the soul is not about dwelling on suffering—it's about awakening awareness and fostering genuine change.
Understanding the pains of the soul
When we talk about pains of the soul, we're referring to the persistent inner hurts that ripple into daily life. They're not always rooted in physical illness or external events, but in complex layers of unmet emotional needs, disappointments, and inner conflicts.
Hidden pain demands attention, not avoidance.
The Center for Disease Control has revealed that about 19% of U.S. adults received a diagnosis of depression in 2024, and 12% regularly experienced anxiety (CDC summary). This reflects how widespread emotional pain is, even in societies that often encourage us to “keep going.” Yet, not every pain becomes a clinical diagnosis; often, it blends into the background of our personality, waiting to be recognized.
The nine pains of the soul explained
We have identified nine core pains of the soul that appear throughout life, often coexisting or taking turns as our personal circumstances change. Here are those pains, with descriptions to help recognize them within ourselves:
- Abandonment: The pain of being left behind or feeling unworthy of care.
This often manifests as a deep fear of being alone or rejected. It can lead to clinging to relationships or avoiding connections altogether. When we notice repeated thoughts like “No one will ever stay,” this might be abandonment pain speaking.
- Rejection: The pain of feeling unaccepted or cast out.
Not being valued for who we are leaves a mark that can linger. If we struggle with self-worth or regularly feel like we don’t fit in, this pain might influence our actions more than we realize.
- Injustice: The pain of being treated unfairly or witnessing unfairness.
This pain can produce anger, frustration, and a sense that life is not on our side. It often comes up when we see favoritism, discrimination, or suffering that appears senseless.
- Humiliation: The pain of feeling shamed or ridiculed.
We may carry memories of experiences where we felt small, judged, or stripped of our dignity. When humiliation is present, we might react strongly to criticism or avoid standing out.
- Betrayal: The pain of broken trust.
Trust is fragile. When it is broken—by friends, partners, or even by our own actions—it can calcify into cynicism or fear of opening up. Constant suspicion can signal unhealed betrayal.
- Neglect: The pain of being ignored or emotionally starved.
If we grew up or lived in environments where our feelings were not seen or our needs not met, this pain can later manifest as people-pleasing or, on the contrary, emotional withdrawal.
- Loss: The pain of grieving absence—of people, opportunities, or even parts of ourselves.
While grief is natural, unresolved loss can leave us feeling stuck in the past, unable to embrace new experiences fully.
- Fear: The pain of being overwhelmed by worry, dread, or a sense of danger.
Fear can manifest as anxiety, hesitation, or panic in situations that do not pose real threats. Living in constant vigilance often points to this type of soul pain.
- Meaninglessness: The pain of lacking purpose or value in life.
This pain is subtle but heavy. It may arise as numbness, apathy, or a continual sense that “something is missing.” We see this pain in moments when goals are achieved yet emptiness remains.
How do these pains show up in daily life?
Soul pains don’t always shout; they whisper. Sometimes, it's a pattern of self-sabotage. Sometimes, it's that feeling of emptiness after success. We’ve observed that these pains often express themselves subtly:
- Difficulty maintaining close relationships
- Repeating cycles of disappointment
- Unexplained mood swings
- Sensitivity to criticism
- Fear of change or new opportunities
- Avoidance of meaningful risk
Why recognizing soul pain matters
We strongly believe that identifying the specific pain we carry is the first step to addressing it with kindness and acceptance. Too many of us are taught to judge ourselves harshly for struggling, but research suggests that pain—both emotional and physical—often has root causes that need gentle attention. The NCCIH found that 25.3 million U.S. adults experience daily pain, and 40 million reported severe pain. Pain is not “all in our heads” but maps onto our entire lived experience.
Naming the pain is the first act of healing.
Soul pain is like a shadow. Sometimes it dims the brightest days and distorts the truth about our abilities, worth, and future. We want to stress that this is a shared human experience—no one is alone in these struggles. Recognizing the nine pains of the soul gives us a language and a framework to begin meaningful dialogue within ourselves and, if needed, with others.
Practical steps to recognize the pain in your life
We can start by paying attention to patterns and triggers. If a setback feels much heavier than it “should”, consider what memories or past hurts might be surfacing. Journaling, mindful observation, or even sharing with a trusted person can help make sense of what might otherwise feel confusing.
We suggest these simple questions when soul pain arises:
- What am I feeling right now? (Go beyond “good” or “bad”)
- Does this feeling remind me of earlier experiences or relationships?
- Am I reacting to the present, or am I being driven by a pain from the past?
- What need might be going unmet right now?
We have regularly observed that recognizing soul pain is empowering, not limiting. It clarifies confusion, eases guilt and shame, and opens a path for self-compassion and transformation.
Conclusion
Everyone faces soul pain at some level. It may shape our behaviors, affect our relationships, or keep us from living fully. By learning to recognize these pains—abandonment, rejection, injustice, humiliation, betrayal, neglect, loss, fear, and meaninglessness—we begin to understand the hidden side of our emotional struggles.
Awareness is the bridge between pain and healing. We believe that by naming and accepting the pains of our soul, we give ourselves the chance to move toward maturity, responsibility, and true change. It’s not about labeling or blaming, but about seeing ourselves as whole, complex, and deeply capable of healing and growth.
Frequently asked questions
What are the nine pains of the soul?
The nine pains of the soul are core emotional wounds: abandonment, rejection, injustice, humiliation, betrayal, neglect, loss, fear, and meaninglessness. Each pain reflects different unmet needs or past emotional injuries, influencing how we think, relate, and react.
How to recognize soul pain symptoms?
Soul pain symptoms often show up as emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation, cycles of self-sabotage, trouble trusting others, chronic dissatisfaction, or an enduring sense of emptiness. They may be expressed through physical tension, sleep troubles, sensitivity to criticism, or constant worry.
Can soul pain affect physical health?
Yes, soul pain and emotional struggles are linked to physical symptoms. Research, including data from the CDC and NCCIH, shows that emotional pain can contribute to chronic pain, sleep disturbances, headaches, and other health issues. Emotions and body are interconnected.
How can I heal soul pain?
Healing begins with awareness—recognizing and naming the core pain, and allowing yourself compassion instead of criticism. This might involve self-reflection, talking with supportive people, practicing mindful presence, or seeking help from mental health professionals. Consistent nurturing of emotional needs is key.
What causes soul pain in daily life?
Soul pain often arises from unmet emotional needs, unresolved past experiences, significant losses, betrayals, or ongoing stress. Situations that trigger feelings of worthlessness, injustice, or disconnection can all bring soul pain to the surface during daily life.
